


In Another Life Time

by zoyaqueenofravka (shadowylighting)



Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, F/M, There is no fluff, literally just angst, short fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 22:57:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18214802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowylighting/pseuds/zoyaqueenofravka
Summary: Zoya knows, she knows it’s impossible (improbable her mind whispers), because this cannot happen. It can’t. But there he is sitting on her bed, as if nothing had changed. As if he’s not engaged to someone else, as if he’s not getting married to said someone tomorrow.“Nazyalensky”, he grins then, and that’s all it takes.





	In Another Life Time

Zoya knows, she knows it’s impossible (improbable her mind whispers), because this cannot happen. It can’t. But there he is sitting on her bed, as if nothing had changed. As if he’s not engaged to someone else, as if he’s not getting married to said someone tomorrow. 

“Nazyalensky”, he grins then, and that’s all it takes.

“Are you mad? What are you doing here?” 

“I thought you’d be happier to see me.” 

She sees a hint of vulnerability, but she doesn’t care. Not right now, not when tomorrow he’s supposed to be married. For the good of Ravka (but not her heart). She swallows, she can’t think like that, not anymore. 

“Because I’d want to see you?”

She tries to put as much venom as she can behind it. Which unfortunately is not enough. She’s getting soft. 

“Zoya..”

He comes closer then, too close (closer, her mind whispers, closer). 

“Leave Nikolai. You cannot be here.”

“Zoya please..”

His breath tickles her cheek, and she feels lightheaded. She hates this feeling. So utterly helpless, so weak. She steels her nerve. 

“Get. Out.”

“At least let me explain. Please Zoya.”

“No. Now leave.”

“I love you.”

She shuts her eyes.

“If I have to ask again there will be consequences.”

“Zoya?”

This time there is real hurt in his voice. He looks heartbroken, confused and utterly miserable. But so does she. She can’t spare any sympathy for him, or her resolve will crumble. 

“Leave Nikolai.”

Her words are softer this time, willing him to please just leave. Because she can’t stand this. She needs him to understand. So she will don her mask. 

“I do not, and cannot, love you. I am not known for my practicality for nothing. You are a liability to Ravka if you keep this infatuation of yours. Unless you rid yourself of these feelings, you continue to endanger us all.”

Lying to him was a foreign activity to her. He did not deserve this. She knew it, but for Ravka she would. 

“Ruthless.”

He looked sadder, as if the world had crushed his heart and left it bleeding. It mirrored her emotions too well. 

“Practical.”

They smiled, both fake. 

“Now go.” 

“I really do love you, you know. I know you don’t believe me but it’s true. I love you Zoya Nazyalensky, and that is all there is to it.”

He looked at her then, so far from his usual charming self, she almost told him. Almost. 

“Nikolai..”

He left then, his piece said, giving her a melancholy smile over his shoulder. 

As the door closed behind him, she whispered to an empty room.

“I love you too.”


End file.
